Just an Observation “Saliva is Up and Pants are Down”

By Lee Ryan

We appear to have an epidemic on our hands. There’s something in our food, water or atmosphere that’s causing an over abundance of saliva.

What I don’t understand is that most everyone that I know, personally, does not have this issue. So perhaps we need to do a study and find out what my friends and I are doing that prevents us from having overactive salivary glands.

Our government has funded studies for everything else – why not this rampant issue?

As a kid growing up in Montana, I was around quite a few country folk. Many of them were uneducated and knew little of social skills. They weren’t unintelligent, they just had to drop out of school and find work to help support the family.

However, I don’t remember seeing any of them spit, unless they were out in the country. Even then, they excused themselves and stepped aside to do the unsanitary deed in a bush or behind a tree.

Many towns still have signs that say, “No Spitting”. It was actually an ordinance, not just a suggestion. In Daytona Beach, Florida there still exists such an ordinance - 86-36 (b), which was cited when arresting and fining $100 to a young man for spitting on the sidewalk in January of 2012. The fine can go up as high as $500.

Just yesterday, I was walking in downtown Seattle and along comes an attractive girl with a handsome boy at her side. Arm in arm they came floating down the sidewalk like a prince and princess on a fashion runway. Then, without warning “Haaawwk, ptui!” our princess unloads a foamy glob of slit onto the sidewalk. Two seconds later our prince follows suit.

Some sociologists have suggested that the rampant spitting is a means of expressing contempt and/or marking one’s territory; much like a dog peeing on a hydrant. Is that what this is all about? I would much rather believe that it’s salivary gland problem – something that an alteration in diet or a simple surgery can cure.

As a screenwriter, I’m almost tempted to write a Sci-Fi film about all of the saliva globs coming together to create one huge, stinky saliva monster that slurps up unsuspecting victims and smothers them in spit. Look for it at your local theaters!

And as far as pants being down; are they ever – WAY down! I marvel at watching these young men waddling down the street with one of their hands firmly grasping the crotch of their pants, so that they won’t fall to their ankles. However, I was more perplexed than I was entertained. I was wondering what message they were trying to convey.

To answer that question, I’ll have to take you inside the county jails and federal prison, where I have volunteered for the past 17 years. There, I’m able to get a whole new and enlightened perspective on many things. But I never expected to uncover the history of the lower-riding pants.

As with all societies, there are ways that we buy and sell. Out in public, we simply advertise what we have for sale with storefronts and advertising. Customer use cash or perhaps barter for what they want. Inside the prisons and jails they have similar procedures. However, they have to be careful, because what they’re willing to offer may not be taken well by another inmate.

It was explained to me that if an inmate is willing to be a “girlfriend” to another inmate, he would wear his pants down very low on his hips. This clearly advertises what he is willing to offer. At that point, an interested inmate will approach him with a pack of cigarettes, money or whatever he has to offer. No one is offended and the “transaction” is complete.

I checked out this story with another inmate and also one of the officers and it was confirmed as accurate. Why do I share it with you? Well, I think before we choose to don a fashion or encourage our youth to wear it, it’s wise to know where it originated and the potential message that it sends to others.

We encourage our readers to comment. No registration is required. We ask that you keep your comments free of profanity and keep them civil. They are moderated and objectionable comments will be removed.